Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by. Why does this happen?
Let's say you planted a coconut tree and a mango tree in your garden
when they were young saplings, and they were the same height. You
thought they would get along pretty well, a great love affair! And if
both of them remained stunted and never grew, they would remain
compatible. But if both of them grow to their full potential, they will
grow to different heights, shapes and possibilities.
If you are looking for sameness between two people, the relationship
will always fall apart. After all, a man and a woman come together
because they are different. So it is the differences that brought you
together, and the differences may become starker and more manifest as
one grows. Unless you learn to enjoy the differences as you grow,
falling apart or growing apart will naturally happen. If you are
expecting both people to grow in the same direction and in the same way,
that is unfair to both people. It will curtail and suffocate both of
their lives. Whether you fall apart in years, in months or in days
simply depends on how fast you are growing.
This whole expectation that the person who partners with you should
be just like you is a sure way to destroy a relationship. It is a sure
way to destroy the garden. Allow, nurture and enjoy the differences
between you and your partner. Otherwise, the situation will be
maintained in such a way where one person is compulsively dependent upon
the other, or both people are compulsively dependent upon each other.
We need to understand that relationships happen because of certain needs -- physical, emotional and psychological needs.
Whatever the nature of the relationship, the fundamental aspect is you
have a need to be fulfilled. We may claim many things for why we have
formed a relationship, but if those needs and expectations are not
fulfilled, relationships will go bad.
And as people grow and mature, these needs change. When these needs
change, what looked like everything between two people will not feel the
same after some time. But we do not have to base a relationship on
these same needs forever and feel that the relationship is over. We can
always make the relationship mature into something else.
Whatever the needs that brought people together need not be the
fundamentals of a relationship forever. The very fundamentals of a
relationship have to change as time passes, and as one ages and matures
in many different ways. If that change is not made, growing apart or
falling apart is definitely a certainty.
