Back Door

A different type of energy

A bump-free integration

Some gateways are wide open

If you're the kind that sees them

Without much distraction

No balls or chains or hurdles

A work of art to be woven

I left the back door open

All

where are you, warrior of all others?

jupiter and saturn inch toward each other

as if pulled by a magnet

the journey long

full of anticipation

the ongoing dance

between longing and rejoicing

reach for that proverbial sky

painted within the landscape of the mind

leaning toward the possibility

remove the jail of limiting beliefs

nothing is real

everything is a made up game

reset and re-write

keep marching

toward the wildest

the imagination is capable of

and beyond

while I 

I want it all

Infinite

Bring me to my knees,

Infinite love,

The one that resides within me

Take me on a trip,

Enveloping love,

The one that flows down deep

Make the river flow,

Disarming love,

The eyes are ready to burst

Oh, how do I wish,

Boundless love,

You rain on down swiftly

We Meet People

 Written March, 2010

We meet people. Everyday. Every day. Every single day. 

Ask and you shall receive. Do we ask for all the people we meet? One day, you're walking in bliss or a nightmare, you run or stumble into someone. That someone has depth. You want to explore his ocean. What is it about his water's colors that begs you to take a mental picture after picture? You see one color and then another, realizing they are as vivid and as numerous as there are stars. You want to count them all, see them all, name and understand them all. Do you see yourself in his color scheme, or do you find your complement?

My fingers are pulsating under the keys. I am a certain vibratory configuration. If I were a math equation, what number or letter would I be? Or am I the entire equation? What does my equation say about me? How does my equation fit in with his expression?

He pushes off into the distance with precision and power of a wild animal. The decision about the next step takes longer than the actual action to perform. The decision portion is deliberate, calculating, careful, exploratory. The action is decisive and effortless. There is a sense of self-knowing and doubt. He appears to be singing an original tune, but only few are allowed to hear it. The gaze is down and elusive until that split second when it changes costumes and becomes smart and penetrating. There is simplicity and depth, fear and love, deep understanding and regard, deep caring and appreciation.

And then he sits, closes his eyes, relaxes completely, and bathes in the musical notes enveloping him.

Everything Worth Knowing I Learned on a Farm

Plant gives life to all other life, and soil gives life to the plant.

Look for what you want from various angles. It may not be seen from your current position or point of view.

Words are a very limited way of communication.

Generally, it's not that we love to live, it's just that we're afraid to die.

I have a body. I am a spirit. Physical labor takes care of the first. Meditation takes care of the second.

Nothing is permanent. If done right, nothing is wasted.

Body eats better after an honest day's work.

Silence of the morning brings stability.

Dirt is not dirty, the sterility of an office is.

Earth pours wisdom into you through your hands.

The fundamentals are simple. Return to the root every day.

Less is infinitely more. Walls, no matter how pretty, suffocate the human.

You cannot be here without water and food. The rest is extracurricular.

Nature exposes that my body is small but I am big.

A little amount of attention feeds generosity.

Home is where freedom is.

A Wish

It has been a while since I picked up the pen

But my wish for the world remains the same

I so long to see faces laughing with joy

With no need to harm or cheat or scorn

When the birds chirp loud after a jet black night

While the breeze is quiet as the sun's yet to rise

And the silence's loud thanks to a candle light

May we all know the depth of the gifts of this life

 

Home

I don't know to say "no"

He doesn't take "no" for an answer

I think it's acceptable not to ask for anything

And that is what I am left with

Perhaps as a gift

The taste of lust doesn't dissolve easily

While the question remains

I fall at Her divine feet

"I am off-course. Take me home."

Profound Happiness

Standing there wanting to speak

Wanting to stay and yearning to swim

Into the pool of an unknown world

Disguised in a shape of a small girl

Confusion reigns with the sun's blaze

No hours in the day constructed when

There was nothing to do

But work from morning 'til the next morning's dew

To seek and retrieve, to laugh and to shield

Everything lives in one long second

While cobwebs obscure the sign

To profound happiness

A Memoir - Some More

Having proudly come out of the hell of college education and faking my way through a job interview, for the first time in my life I had time and money, neither of which I knew what to do with. A few weeks later, sweaty and happy, I walked out of a dance class. Waltzing through the hall, I was suddenly stopped in my tracks. The sounds coming from behind another door had me captivated. The percussion, the rhythm, the syncopation. The energy! 

Being an ideal student of an atheist school of thought from the first breath of my birth, words like soul and spirit were not part of my vocabulary. But I felt like something that was asleep deep inside, something that could be called as my soul had started to sing. A rush of energy moved up into my chest. I stood taller. I had no choice but to be in that room. 

Thus begun my unending obsession and a love affair with salsa.

I had found my place in this world.

_________________________________________________________

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Huh? Was this an actual question? People, I just got over (-ish) a culture shock, learned (-ish) a new language and earned (worked my __ off) a master's degree. I still couldn't tolerate food, itched my hands through the night enthusiastically enough to draw blood while my mind refused to sleep. My parents have effectively ignored my incessant complaints of paralyzing fatigue and began making fun instead. 

My idea of fun was a non-school book with a side of Keebler chocolate-filled shortbread cookies upon opening my eyes late mornings. Where do I see myself in five years? I had no time for such deep reflection, nor an interest. The goal was to make it through the day without falling asleep half-way through. I made plans cautiously, for there was no way to know if I would have any energy to "get there." Where will I be in five years? The question scared me, as I didn't realize I had to know. 

I was learning to think the American way. Kind of. 

A Memoir - Next Part

The school bus forgot to pick me up. Again.

_________________________________________________________

They seemed genuine. It took about a month or more to begin to trust my new acquaintances. They were not making fun like the others. This new band of the nerdy kind, sitting at a lonely table. I was accepted. But I didn't fit in. I wore mini-skirts. I was sporty. I watched the cheerleaders, though the thought of becoming one never entered my mind. That was for the special girls. 

__________________________________________________________

The first ever email address was peninsula. That is what I was. Mostly alone and barely connected. My one true friend turned to drugs and left my side. Others followed suit. I was without a home.

_________________________________________________________

I was mostly confused. Why did it matter if a high school boy had a car? Why was everybody working so much? No, all the time. Why "what do you do?" was the first question asked at a party? I couldn't understand why a man would tell me about a private jet his friend owned. I was confused why financial security was a human value alongside kindness and compassion. 

_________________________________________________________

How to act? At a long table full of strangers who seemed to know everything. I looked around mimicking and smiling awkwardly. I was a new kid on a block, brought to the rabbi's house by a new friend. Like fish out of the water, I slowly learned to stay afloat. These were "my" people, except they weren't. Funny, eloquent, intelligent they were while speaking in an unwritten code I couldn't break. I didn't recognize arrogance at the time. No, my husband would not be here, hard as I looked. Sorry, mom.

_________________________________________________________

"You don't care about money, and all the guys who take you out pick you up in BMW's and Audis. All my boyfriends are unemployed," exclaimed my roommate in disbelief. I never considered that angle before.

A Memoir - continued

Climbing to the top of a small hill, I was starting to walk across the paved portion surrounding the football field. Always carrying something in my hands, I was not in the best of spirits. A pressing thought was crying out within. "No one understands me. I am all alone." 

I was around 11 years old.

_________________________________________________________

My cousin, exactly 3 months my junior, was the wise one. She decided to initiate me into becoming a "lady" desirable to other boys. She demonstrated the art of descending stairs in a sensual way, singing in a sweet way, and sitting in some other enticing way. It was clear I wasn't meant to be a sexy queen. I could only run down the stairs, could not see the point of "making eyes," and walking with a hip swing was out of the question. I did excel at sprinting away from the chasing boys with my skinny and pre-hormonal body being faster than any of theirs, laughing uncontrollably, and dancing like no one was watching - everything opposite of sophistication. 

And I weeded, arranged, and planted a garden patch full of flowers. 

_________________________________________________________

My goal was to finish The Diary of Anne Frank before the car arrived. Everything was packed, and the drivers were to arrive shortly. I tried reading as fast as I could. The woman who had no heart, my grandmother, refused to give me permission to see my best friend prior to our leaving. I anxiously hoped I would receive a phone call from her. I could not call out. Her family did not have a phone. It finally came but the good-bye lacked the power that a hug and a kiss could provide.  The conversation seemed superficial and mostly unreal. A few hours later, my head on my grandmother's chest, we were crammed into a small car to complete the first leg of our long journey to the unknown land of America.

_________________________________________________________

Playing chess was not my game of choice but watching my dad was definitely fun. The young and beautiful boy named Arthur appeared in the building filled with immigrants with nothing to do but wait for the powers that be to grant permission to continue the journey started several weeks back. Arthur had my attention. He was beating my dad. Watching the two men play was my education during the month of waiting. 

_________________________________________________________

In a room full of cigarette smoke, all adults were discussing one thing or another. Some studied English, one word per day, some philosophized. Mostly, everyone spoke, as the lack of food was evident and, at this point in time, no one has worked for over two months. The little money allowed to be taken out of the country was quickly running out, and mom was scrambling to feed her two growing daughters. 

_________________________________________________________

The smell of cat urine was intense. Someone found us this place for its low price in a neighborhood that seemed safe. My allergic symptoms went through the roof. The only treatment medical science offered was steroids. 

__________________________________________________________

I was the best student in the 8th grade despite the fact that I hardly spoke any English, used a dictionary to translate and answer homework questions, and did not have any friends. I was the weird kid to be avoided with weird hair and weird clothes. 

__________________________________________________________

My lifelong inexplicable illness that would render me fatigued, irritable, angry, itchy, unable to eat or sleep did not want to go away. It became my identity. I was already different enough. This added to the sense of separateness. No one really did understand or could relate or had any explanation.

__________________________________________________________

Belt around my nightgown, I stood on top of my bed, emulating the dancing girls I saw on MTV. As far as I was concerned, my purpose in life was to become one of them. 

__________________________________________________________

She was what would be the equivalent of "a brother from another mother." Dark, extensions in her hair, a gentle beauty, Josephine was my Jamaican sister. We met while I was waiting for my date who, fortunately, stood me up. I "waited" for two hours while laughing with my newly found soul sister. We became inseparable. 

It was a regular thing that we did: we opened and closed the dance floor of some night club every Friday night. Running in our mini-skirts through the winter snow from our car parked blocks away, we refused to pay for parking. Earning $5.35 per hour doing other people's laundry or wiping other people's behinds, my and Jo's respective college jobs, did not earn you the right to enter an enclosed garage. Never taking any intoxicants, we were high on the rhythms, melody, and unmistakable joy.

We Don't Know

We don't know too much.

We don't know the giants that we are. The size of who we are. The depth of what we are. We seek stability and meaning. We want to feel secure. We look for aliveness in people and intoxicants. We look for health in the sky. We lie. We lie. 

We fill our days with stuff and things. We busy our minds with people and deeds. We don't know how big a gift we have. It's all found in one place within the depths of our small frames. It could be so simple this world we live in. We can communicate in ways that dispel ambiguity. We can be aligned in more profound ways, if only we knew the size of ourselves.

This world is so cruel with man-made petty rules. We struggle to fit within the soul-less grid. Because who we are is too much to be beaten down. We want to be free, we want to be more than dot "i's" and cross "t's."

We don't know too much. We're lost without realizing as much. We hide, we drink up. We control and fight. 

Just come and sit with me without the need to act endlessly. Bring your own sweet energy. In my open self exists divine happiness.

Neuroscience

Yes. It is true what I've been hearing.

My most favorite subject, and perhaps the only subject of interest, was neuroscience. It was fascinating to me to see the complexity, sophistication, and precision of the neurological system. And to think that even with all that intricacy, we most likely don't understand the half of it.

I get carried away.

What is most fascinating to me now-a-days is how ingenious the human brain is. Every single person is capable to and, in fact, does create his own reality. No two realities are the same. And while the imagination and the permutations have no end, this implies that no two people can share an exact same reality. 

Layer that with the limited nature of the word, and the fact that we can communicate at all seems a feat to be admired! 

This is probably the reason we disagree so much, or feel tense, or experience of not being on the same page. Perhaps the only true way to communicate and gain understanding lies beyond the mind, and definitely, beyond words. To perceive directly, to see clearly, not through the lens of our made-up reality, but as reality really is. 

I suppose living in what is actually real can eliminate a lot of hatred, wars, fears. I suppose there would be much more room to connect, connect deeply, connect authentically. Maybe this is the seat of love, of genuine love, divine love, of love that doesn't pass for what, in effect, is a business deal. 

We need to learn to see. We need to clean and cleanse. We need to go to work, the kind that pushes us toward truth.

The Need

To love someone

Without requiring

Anything back

Is the sweetest thing

To be in a state

Of complete giving

Seeing beyond

The physical

To feel united

Without words

Through space and time

Is nothing small

To know it exists

To want it back

To be in truth

Is the real need

Not an Action

Love is not an action, not a verb.

Love is not an emotion or a feeling.

It's a state of being.

It's a space devoid of wanting. A pool of understanding. 

A place of safety and trust. 

Nothing is wanted and nothing is needed to be done. 

A sheer presence and acceptance.

A boundless embrace.

An envelopment by and a sense of complete ease.

Where the natural consequence and the only choice is to surrender.

Learn To See

Heads in the sand, walking like zombies, frozen and blind, trying to live.

Not taking the time to stop long enough to see what is really true.

The road to the mountain's top gets narrower and less densely populated with elevation.

Too busy with the shiny objects along the highway to nowhere.

Easy to put out a flickering light, hard as it might try to grow bright.

Limited support or understanding for those turning over the rocks to see what lies beneath.

Unending journey for the diamond to shimmer.

Damn the obscurity of the limited mind.

It has to snap back to what matters, to what is true, to what actually is.

To step away from the burden of the past into ether, except the cells need to eat.

Moving around purposelessly, gathering things, covering up lies.

The basic truths are missing from the everyday existence, resulting in suffering.

Stop. Look. Learn to see.

Surrender

And you look at me

And space disappears

I see something else

Coming through hidden tears

To melt into this

This place of no distance

No fear to lose

A door to existence

Submerge to the land

Beneath tired feet

Become a mound or a heap

Of what truly is

Nothing is Real

Nothing is real

You're a memory

Love oozing out of me

Drawn to the place of need

Sink into the ground

Become dismantled

Leave the mind

Feel the depth of who you are

Nothing is real

Smile appears

Open every pore

Let the wind take over

Fingers of working hands

Tracing the edge

Put down your guard

Facing the orange sun

Nothing is real

You're a dream

White horse gallops by

Veiled design

Take me to shore

Of the one that's sure

With the spiral flow

Lit up in full glow

Give

Wanting something from here and the other from there

Living this life and wanting another

Saying the words so full of love

Directing them here, yet staying abroad

Can't just collect the jewels and keep close by

Gotta share more than the sum of them ol' parts

Don't ask for more, it's all falling through a deep hole

Patch up the leak, explode and simply give

Wholeness

I suppose there was a time when rivers flowed right through the night, and deer danced under the stars, and all was well inside one's heart; and then the bombs flew through the skies, a work of man with a deranged mind; because he could and could not stop the leaky venom from spilling out; and flowers wept while mothers cried and children died under grey sky; and once again the birds did sing and fathers walked as tall as kings; and hope was strong and music soared into the fields made of red clover; and maybe soon, we will awake, from this long dream made up of pain, and will remember who we are, and we'll exalt in the wholeness of the one.

May We

May we all rise far above

The storms of sand, 
Rain, grief, and war

May we know love
That has its source
In being pure white like a dove

May we be better everyday
And live beyond
The mind's dark well

May we all have
A roof and good food
Be in harmony 
And live in truth

Desire

you move too fast

your instinct strong

the consciousness is low.

to be a human

in presence of love

requires a deep longing

to touch the fruit

of years of work

that's delicately balanced.

you cannot take

or twist the stem

unless you fully value it

until you learn

that nothing's yours -

only to be admired.

the flower turns

its beauty from

the one who so desires it

Nothing New

Thought. An energy that needs to express itself in some way. The answers are simple. Found with the basics. Being far away from that which is so close causes the mind to wander, to create complexities, complications. The solutions can be so simple, they seem too much so and are dismissed by an overactive logic. The mess we live in is our doing, inside and out. We are the makers of our reality. If only we understood the simple truths. If only we had the eyes to see. If only we could stop pretending. The formulae have already been discovered. How unnecessary and unnecessarily tangled we are. The profound is found in the simplicity. We are to re-learn what has been lost. It's a need if we are to become who are actually are.

The Road

Your vulnerability had me

Your longing kept me in chains

It's not that I agreed to support this

It's just I could not run away

As wise sounds rang in my ear

Believe what you know at the start

My tired and worn out bones

Looked for the light on the dark side of the track

Time keeps on rapidly running

The space between words becomes wide

I wish we all knew the road

To that which we so want to find

A Prayer

To live as an offering is a way to live the life of truth. And to live the life in truth.

When you are full, when you need nothing. When your life is no longer about you. 

Every act is about you and nothing but you and when you are everything, you become nothing. The paradox of life is that it's all about you until there is no more you. You disappear. Then everything else is. You build yourself up just to become smaller. In this disappearance, simplicity appears. Freedom is that much closer. 

To be available. For the grace to enter and spread its will through the tiny hands of life's servant.

Let that be the one and only prayer.

So Close

Earth, one of the five elements, and all other elements are "on" when you're outdoors

Working with one's body in a truly physical way settles the mind and raises life energy

From there, meditation, stillness and yoga arise naturally

Joy follows suit

We have lost the basics, the fundamentals of what makes our lives stable

We are so far away from truth, and yet, the truth is so close

An Impact

And I see your name

As my heart jumps up

The fight and the flight

Fueled by the past

Still the cells remember

The punches of the fright

I am still to master

The matters of my life

And I want some answers

To draw an erased line

In disappearing waiting

Needing to arrive

Earth

It is my experience and observation that working with the earth creates wisdom. As if an invisible thread of intelligence transfers from the soil into the hands. The quality of earth can be described as grounded, stable, balanced: a prerequisite to a deeper perception. It is this quality that is largely missing in the world of incessant movement and stimulation. 

The slow-moving energy has no time to start its journey. It is the fortunate ones who are able to maintain its existence within themselves despite the external chaos. To allow it to gain speed will signify a release of an immense potential, a tiny stream turning into a rapid river that, if left unguided, can create havoc. And so the dance of duality is to continue, from inertia to movement, from slow to quick, from earth to air. 

Earth is the basis. Earth is the support. Earth is a quiet knowing.

The Next Step

We can not have peace if we, fundamentally, don't have reverence for life. Any life: human, animal, or otherwise.

We cannot have peace if we, fundamentally, have distrust of each other.

The question to answer is why are we so quick to pass judgement on someone? We cannot have true insight into anyone's feelings or thoughts or life experience. The way in is profound understanding and full disclosure. That takes time, desire to understand, willingness to listen.

Our society isn't built on vulnerability or trust. We operate mostly out of fear, fight or flight. Very often, our fight is worse than those of animals whom we consider to be inferior enough to us to be killed en masse or for fun. 

We are humans. We have a brain significantly larger than any other life form. We can and absolutely must do and be better.

The Hand of Grace

It's always reaching
The hand of grace
Even in full darkness
And in spite of yourself

To have the wisdom
When light is dull
Keep keepin' on
In day's heat and the night's cold

And you bow down
On your knees to see
In that fatal hour
You will become free

Greatness

To be great at anything, you must be great at the basics. Want to dance? Know the very basic footwork and the rhythms. Want to cook? Know the very basics of tastes and textures. Want to build? Know the basics of measurements and materials. Not just intellectually know, live and feel and experience those qualities. They must become you and you must become them.

Same goes for life. Want to be great at life? Know the basics of that and yet... There is no university or a class to take. Life is lived without understanding the very fundamentals. The very core of what makes the world and people go round. The school of life is nowhere to be found. One is thrown into the wild with no grasp or connection to that which is most important: the simple truths that can guide one to a life of beauty and awareness, of joy and its full expression. Of transformation and liberation. 

In the meantime, we complicate, defend, destroy, and block. We must learn to see right through to the core and strip away all that is fluff. We must become great within ourselves and live a life of greatness, also, within ourselves.

The Divine Cleansing

And the only way out is to stand completely naked under the rain of the feminine and be showered with all the things that lead you to the place of salvation and truth, a place to where you're going anyway, without understanding this is what you are seeking and searching for through all your desperate acts of recognition or power over another's life. Drop the bravado and surrender, for this is where you find what you are and have been longing for. Then and now.

Peace on Earth

The day a man sees approaching a woman as entering a holy temple 
is the day of peace on earth.

Enough

A dark force pulling down
Coming up for air once in a while
Takes up great strength to keep upright
Each day like a battle just to see pretty light

The great downfall of a once free soul
The ladder's been broken that held up the hope
Begin from the start once again and again
The reserves are depleted, pennies do not reign

Every day and night breathing in and out
Looking for the pole that clutches the chains down
This game must end as soon as it can
Erase what feels like death with a final hurricane

Distant Fantasy

I take responsibility
For what I didn't do
There is a seam torn apart
Not yelling out what was known to be true

Each passing moment
Makes no difference at all
The energy fiercely unrolled
Stretches very far and beyond all walls

A magical walk 
To the edge of the normal
Somehow one must fall
To bring an end to what's been faulting

The direction's obscured 
By the blindness of agony
To return to a semblance of peace  
Merely a distant fantasy

Time to Speak

An energetic connection can only extend
But a heart conversation can tie its loose end
It is a big need to cross "t's" and dot "i's"
Despite time's passing, life stays in chaos

To come to a point of lightness and joy
To hear and speak honest words and atone
To cry and to laugh in order to mend
Nothing to lose and nothing to defend

The wish has been thrown into the other's court
A game cannot be played alone
Someone has to cross to the other side
Walk through the big door and let life decide

A Hard Look

He writes... responsibility... tending to matters... innocence... a state of closure.

I think... the arrow hit the bull's eye... will I return to the state of innocence.

(How long can one walk in a forest without a flashlight.)

Action... inaction... 

At earth's feet... accepting... an attempt to close the loop...  

How... ?...

Two Worlds

There is Reality and

then there is reality.

One is magic and

the other is dramatic.

To be in Reality 

makes reality better.

To keep head in reality

closes to door to Reality.

To live well is to

merge the two while

keeping them apart.

The math formula 

with infinite variables.

Keep the light on.

Keep the light on.

Any "-ship"

Friendship. Another term for a relationship. A relationship is a communication between or a relating of two or more things to each other. The depth of this connection is a product of the strength in which one values and sees the highest in the other. It's in the recognition of the true essence of the other that gives the relationship its worth. It is very likely that there is nothing more beautiful in human experience than to be in a presence of greatness. This greatness is what can be named as god or godliness. This creates a space where one begins to live in awe, humility, reverence. These types of emotions become a path to dissolution of the ego. A road to experiencing one's own real self.

Only Tears

Finally,

science + spirituality = feminine energy, gratitude, validation



Since its inception, this little blog has attempted to express a bit of truth through a tiny lens of a limited personal experience and understanding. 

And then this man speaks... Things are shifting... The hope is that the "soon" will be just that: soon. The equilibrium needs to be established before more generations suffer the current imbalance.

Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS-sDv7bLTA&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR34LwzqXPMuWmFS_QqZ2Drc3OavZBsKOFHgiBu0jUKG0rSM-WHWsuggaW0

Where Is The Love?

Having worked in a healthcare industry, I learned a few things. The health system has little to nothing to do with health. Not of the patient, nor of the one providing the care. I have seen enough and experienced enough within me to make this claim. It's a tightly run engine designed to make profit at the expense of patients and workers' tireless efforts.

The treatments provided are considered to be top of the line, most advanced. I suppose so, if you consider cutting a human body the norm. There is so much eagerness to use a sledgehammer and a knife. While impressive, I often wondered who would even think to use a chainsaw on a human form? On one hand incredible, on the other barbaric. 

Onto mental health. Too much to mention here. I will only say that a friend of mine was physically attacked today by someone. Someone struggling with drug addiction and psychosis for many years. Someone who used to sculpt figurines. Drugs are everywhere. People are suffering. And we, the richest country in the world, have not invested in what actually works. Because healthcare could actually become a place of health and care rather than a life-taking industrial complex.

Untitled

Imploring

Omnipresent 

Intelligence

Lead the way

Repeating

Love is...

the absence of fear
not a business deal
requires nothing
simplifies

Love includes
gives and receives
knows nothing of control

It is fluid
It frees

Simply is

Time and a Human

Can't avoid the inescapable realization that days and weeks simply fly by. In joy or sorrow, in energy or fatigue. Time continues to move faster than light. The question, the real question is what is worth using this limited time for? Many "things" can do "done." We are in a nearly constant process of doing, and it feels like we're living when we are. And perhaps, it is true. And, perhaps, we are simply passing time while it doesn't really matter what we do. No one out there can judge another's life. Each does what he knows best, or thinks he knows best. At the end, the question remains. If a day is passed with a smile and a feeling of happiness, maybe that's all there is to it. And, maybe, there is so much more to be experienced that can be only known through not doing. As nearly always, the answer is somewhere in between, transitioning from a state of action to a state of inaction, along a continuum that seems to stretch indefinitely and infinitely, like the energetic connection that exists among people, that exists between nature and people, uniting every thing no matter the distance and no matter the circumstances. Because to live is to experience through, and to know, every cell and oscillation of the creation that makes up a human being. 

Fly

You with your big heart
And big wild dreams
Don't stop the grand life
Brewing strongly within
Seek your deepest wants
Expand in all possible ways
Spread out your colored wings
And be your true and unique self

Done

The lengths some go to in order to gather and accumulate wealth. No, nothing's wrong with wealth. Yet what is the purpose of hoarding more than you would ever need? What is the use? Wealth is powerful. It can build hospitals and roads, feed babies, educate, give bikes to those without wheels and musical instruments to those who love music. This obsession with extracting more and more is obscene. Lying, cheating, intimidating, all just to have it for the sake of having it. This need to possess. There is nothing we can inherently possess. Possession means walls and barriers. It causes fights and wars and, inevitably, suffering. Because nothing is created or destroyed. It is only transferred. And this unconscious and hungry transfer has made the losers angry and scared and the winners scared and angry. A great illusion has guided decision-making. It is called ownership. It sits within another illusion called separation, me versus you, us versus them. We are reaching a tipping point. The time to dismantle an antiquated paradigm has arrived.

A Briefing

no one knows
the internal flame
brief days
unexpected endings

today is here
vanishing minutes
straight questions
bloom amid chaos

playing the wait
reflecting stations
noiseless moments
changing course

Home

never lonely
nor ever alone
swimming incessantly
in imaginary love

filled and fulfilled
arms open wide
keep on stepping
in stride with divine

internal peace
external hug
unforgettable fragrance
door is ajar

never lonely
nor ever alone
windless waves
time to come home

A beautiful song

"How Very Little We Know Of Love"

We're told that life and love forever
Go together hand in glove
But know-it-all or non-committal
It's clear how little we know of love

We stand our ground, so firm and steady
Good and ready for the shove
Then tumble down, just like a skittle
Which shows how little we learn of love

Our smartest self may try to reach us
But if we ever hear the call
We learn that love will only teach us
We know nothing much at all

We thought that we were oh-so-clever
What were we ever thinking of
Which goes to show, how very little
How very little we learn of love

Our smartest self may try to reach us
But if we ever hear the call
We learn that love will only teach us
We know nothing much at all

We thought that we were oh-so-clever
What were we ever thinking of
Which goes to show, how very little
How very little we learn of love

                                                 -Bob Saker

Out of the Way

To be completely and utterly sincere and honest with yourself is the hardest act. To admit many things about yourself you might not want to know. We are very good at hiding and rationalizing. When pain and suffering come, only a profound look at oneself will do. Seeing yourself for who you are has a consequence. Suddenly, a weight that has been keeping you down lifts. Everything seems simple and clear like you have just entered a new world that has always been there but you were not aware of it, and it's become a new reality, because you were able to destroy who you have built up yourself to be.

There is another way. A back door to the same place which is to become completely joyful and luminous, qualities found at the very core of your existence. This, too, will demolish the perception of your own self, because the internal struggle disappears in such a state. Needs and wants, desires, frustrations recede and rather significantly. Once again, there is clarity and a new sense of vitality that fill your days and, ultimately, your life.



"The one who is searching is in his own way." -Mooji

To Be Quiet

The gates to freedom are always open, it's just that the mundane blocks the doorway. To take every step holding the goddess by her hand, to breathe and to eat, to work and to sleep. In every split second magic resides. At night and in daytime, in fight and in fright. To see every thing in a harmonious life, to live with the source guiding toward the light. Each second that passes is full and complete. Choosing to feel what's behind the concrete. Those in pain need the least of disdain. To know when to stay and when to walk away. To trust, to caress, to laugh, to allow. To sing in the face of a major breakdown. And while the answers are to be uncovered, and noises of ignorance are speaking out loud, the quiet attention shows direction to a place of peace, strength, and subjective perfection.

Night Time

I dream in rhymes
And speak in gibberish
The words come
In floods of memories

Nothing has changed
While all is new
To sit alone
And feel grandly huge

To strip away to bare bones
Nakedly stand without an abode
Admit the smallness of who you are
Ask for what is wanted
She will take over, concoct, and decide

So Much

I am and I am not

I grew up with violins
Snow shone like a crystal
Responsibility too much

I dreamed a dream

I was fearful
I was hungry
Sun was brilliant

Journey of peaks and valleys

I feel the distant pain
My hand heals
My emptiness swallows

Protection breeds negotiation

Fall into me
Walls are porous
Smile more precious than a diamond

One touch and I know

Simplicity
Depth of emotion
Flying out of the prison

On the way to nowhere

You Know

I want you to know
Wherever you are
I am here for you
In darkness and light

I want you to know
However you are
I am open to you
Through thick and alike

My one desire 
That's always in me
To be available
In joy and in need

I want you to know
Whatever you are
I am a tree to lean on
In snow, rain and in long night

I refuse to live
Within the locked doors
I rise in the thing called love
Hiding in the depth of my core

Trusting

She said to get creative
She said to let it flow
Relax into the present
Watch luck take off and go

Play days just like a game
Expand to who you are
Smile more and walk in dance
Enjoy the laughing life

Because the sign of mine
Feels best when it is big
No walls and no confines
No jailing chains of greed

The creek crosses the street
Washes away the dust
Feeds skin of walking feet
Moves energies up high

Write poetry and songs
And draw a few clean lines
Know it will all unfold
When you become real calm

Simple and Profound

I think beauty isn't different from freedom. Rephrased, beauty found in a person exists because you experience that person as free. There is a sense of ease that follows them around. This relaxation is inherently attractive. 

When one experiences his own hidden freedom, one begins to feel beautiful. This has nothing to do with the treatment one gets from others, or the color of his skin and eyes. It has nothing to do with the external. One simply walks around feeling beautiful. Or carefree. Or joyful. Or peaceful. Or light. Perception heightens to a somewhat different level which may be called wisdom. A knowing arises that is rooted in something very stable, quite foundational. This may also be equated to power. The definition of this state is that of care and concern, love and protection, yet from a slight distance. Being fully available and near and, simultaneously, far away. 

Such an experience could be a step toward a state of truly being. Simple and profound co-existing in a single moment.

Urgh

What did I sign up for? What did I think? Was I so naive as to really believe? This world seems so harsh, so brute, so cruel. At least there are flowers along the cold route. Sometimes, I just wish to close my eyes and sit there for hours avoiding the light. I don't want to fight, I don't want to plead. I don't want to cry at the injustice in front of me. What am I really moving towards? How many more mountains am I to cross? I don't have the answers, I don't have the map. I need more assistance and a clear eye. To rejoice, to be strong, or whatever that means. I don't want to survive, I want to live. I cannot accept my faith of today. I can't be complacent and bury my head. Yet, the arduous journey has no end. I need a flashlight and a battery pack for the future ahead. They say even Krishna had a difficult life. I am not one of them who enjoys a bumpy ride. I can't run away from myself or my faults. My greatest mistake is to be born with what I don't have. I still haven't learned the rules of this game. It's designed by a mind from an unfriendly terrain. I need this disgust to leave my life. I ask for the power to illuminate and guide. 

I want to be given answers. I want to see a clear path. I want to shine brightly. I want to be a soulful dance.

Growing Up

A text message came in, inquiring about a story from my past. He wanted to dig deeper into a specific story I had shared, as he himself was discovering the mystery of past moments.

I became pensive. 

I was reminded of my childhood as a result of the words that appeared on my phone.

I remember the immigration process. Not very well. There are mostly gaps and holes but with few very vivid moments, for they must have carried their power and entered my psyche, leaving an impression.

I missed almost an entire year of school during the process. It was an unusual experience for a star student, though I continued my education, watching my dad play chess with my new, albeit slightly younger 10-yo friend, whom I had a crush on, because of his intelligence (he was obviously intelligent for winning against my dad who was the smartest man around!) and for his good looks.

I remember sleeping in a hut that was somewhere in the forest so dense, the floor that my mom mopped upon arriving was wet for days.

I recall living on mandarin and kiwi diet, for we could get large boxes of these fruit from the farmer's market, when the merchants wanted to unload all their excess food instead of taking it home. I don't remember eating anything else. 

I tried to communicate with a local girl via a dictionary that I carried in my pocket, learning how to read a different alphabet. Most of the adults around were learning English. I was trying to learn things, too. I did learn that the word for library was the same in Italian as it was in Russian.

I saw a grocery store that seemed gigantic while, in reality, it was probably the size of a convenience store but it looked like heaven to me. I saw colorful packages, meat wrapped in plastic, and bananas. In the winter! I had never before seen a grocery store with shelves full of items. Most of my life previous to that was spent standing in lines for 2-3 hours playing badminton and waiting for the store to open, so we could get our share of the sausage, or walking from store to store looking for bread and milk, because my mom ordered me to do so.

I tried to roller-skate in the small terrace in front of the house. I don't remember being very successful at it.

This experience of poverty and uncertainty. This experience of being uprooted at a young age. Of malnutrition. Of fear. I look around the world around me now and wonder: when did it become acceptable and agreeable to pay a million dollars simply to have four walls and a roof? When did we lose perspective on what is enough? And, at the kernel of it all, when will we become humble?