Dinner with a Rabbi

Once upon a time when I've been on the planet for about 25 years and had the experience and perception of someone significantly younger, I came upon a closely knit group of Jewish people. This was the first time in my life I was around this type of a Jewish community. (Oh yes, the psyche of a girl born in a state-mandated discriminatory country is another topic of conversation.)

I became a regular attendee of Friday night (aka Shabbat) dinners which were pure joy. It was a while since I found myself surrounded by such intellect, eloquence, wit, and sense of humor. The long table full of people would be the centerpiece of the evening where great minds would discuss a weekly topic brought up by the Rabbi. A topic that was the section of the Torah to be evaluated and pondered over that special day. 

I didn't consider myself much of an intellectual or someone with the ability to formulate, let alone voice her thoughts in such an atmosphere, so I simply listened and marveled at the logical display of the people around me. They weren't shy to speak, debate, laugh, and drink. My nights were spent eating and laughing. The conversations also broadened my thinking. 

One particular night the question at hand was marriage. And since family and community are the cornerstone of the Jewish tradition, this topic was very appropriate. As I moved my eyes and head around the table, like watching a tennis match, of others expressing their views very vocally and loquaciously, the rabbi finally brought it all together.

The point he made stuck with me. He said one of the keys to a successful marriage was not to draw conclusions about the spouse. It was important to try to find something new in the other everyday. Since most of the time topics discussed were new to me, I simply absorbed the words because they intrigued me.

Fast forward into the future, it was several years ago that I had understood something. My all-too valuable daily meditation practice has demonstrated to me over and over that a human being is capable of growth and evolution. If such a tool is employed every day, it is impossible to stay stagnant for too long. It will allow you to change, sometimes very rapidly, to your own surprise. But here is the thing. If you are in a relationship, such transformation will make it much more difficult for your partner to pin you down and place you into their mental box of who you "are." (A little aside here. The partner needs to be able to actually see and perceive the changes, which requires enormous awareness and inner work). 

If you are constantly changing, rapidly or subtly, and the other is doing the same, the relationship has less of a chance of becoming stagnant. I would think this is not for everybody even though there is great potential for the partnership to be an ever-unfolding, endless story.