I am

Cannot remain in any one place
For too long
Physical, mental, old subscriptions 
All routinely gone
The older in age
The younger within
I see our need to belong and to think
It’s an easier life when nothing is known
When thoughts don’t much matter
And when unplanned life just flows
To break away from the box we’re put in
To know that nothing is actually real
When there is nothing to prove,
To impress or defend 
What’s wrong with the innocence 
Displayed by a grown up man?
Hold on onto nothing, no idea, no belief
You will become friends with more than you think 
Move through the world with the eye of a child
Curious, laughing, trusting, not bound
By society’s norms or ways to be,
Yet no one has to know your experience deep within 
It is a comedy draped into tragedy
No matter the group you may belong to
It just reinforces but a limited view
Take no position with no room to move
My lips curve upwards when I choose to be new

A Question

To find that space to fall into and not exist

To float in lieu of walking, carried by beauty

To feel boundary-less and spilling over

What takes doth it to find the trail back?

Upstream

Starting to fly slightly above

Feet are just barely grazing the earth

The view has been flipped

The arrow pointing in

Cannot unsee that which has been seen

You want to show her your deep admiration

And hope she returns a mutual consideration

You don't see the message in wordless spaces

She needs just one thing to start a real conversation

The running away has no end

Tomorrow will not come

No matter the speed of footsteps

If you could just be for one eye blink

You won't want to work so eagerly

And so you shoot yourself in the foot

Bound by convention and proven moves

To jump from a moving train into a stationary well

Takes wonder and a string

Pulling your heart upstream

The Hills

And as the gas was filling the tank of my car, my eyes fell onto the logo of the car behind me. It was a Lexus SUV. And as I continued to wash the dusty windshield of my car, I noticed a white Mercedes temporarily parked next to the entrance of the mini-mart. And as I was processing the scene which somehow seemed unreal to me, my mouth, covered by a blue mask, opened itself, and words existed my lips: "I don't belong here." 

I glanced over to my hybrid, which was given to me, as I have no business driving such a car given the ludicrous amount of money I earned over the past decade, I saw the hypocrisy of my existence. And while I enjoy the comforts, I don't seem to fit into them. 

And as I drove to an organic supermarket and picked up a $4 bell pepper, which I will grow in my yard in a month for pennies, and walked down the aisle with a myriad of plastic bottles of various shapes and sizes, colors and emblems, I found myself standing within a reality that seemed nothing but real. Once again. A made-up reality of pretty things and containers neatly ordered, wastefully made to catch my eye. There was not a smile on a single face in the line formed amidst all the plastic and glass.

The disconnect was great. A material reality void of substance. No, I don't belong here. I will run for the hills. 

Just Because

You know the time you wanted to run but you couldn't escape the gaze that held you in chains? And you wanted to push through the half-open door only to find a hurdle hung from above. No matter which way your eyes tried to look, another wall rose and you deeply shook. The stars in the sky did not light up that night and you retreated within, losing your grin. You wanted to scream and shed your old skin, you wanted to shout and yell it all out. If only this place could have hidden its face, you might have returned with no recourse. You wanted to sprint and you dared to dream, you pushed and you pulled, you remained slightly amused. Nothing makes sense, every thing is a game that we choose to live by while we laugh and cry. 

Damn Fear

Fear, oh the damn fear

Of being alone

Being forgotten

Not leaving a mark

Struggle, oh the darn struggle

To do the right thing

Remain in the company of

A warm body

Oh it's so easy, obvious to see

Must contain inside and walk in silence

Let them fear and struggle

With pretexts and pretenses

Stepping aside and watching

The bridge has long-ago been burned

Maybe climb go the top or the bottom

Of a green mountain

And remain undisturbed

By the ignorance and deceit

They leave a stain on the soul

To walk alone

Like being on a train

Glossing over the terrain

Without being caught up

In the drama of sadness

Blind

they don't understand

or know how to listen

they are sleazy and primal

yet expect to get sweetness

oh how it is cruel

to be this unaware

think so much of yourself

but ain't nobody there

just go to your room

and look in the mirror

learn to see through

the facade and the fear

come clean and come cleansed

of all the deceptions

you will never again

ask her for gratification