Irina is Born.

Teaching

when I sit and I speak

and the feet are folded under me

and his picture is to the side

gazing out to every one

that’s when surgeon takes his knife

and he slices what’s been tight

and he pours something sweet

into a  vessel, oh how it's filled!

full of love, full of depth, and no need for any defense

softness, tears, tenderness, sensitive to every glance

full of giving, full of something, 

can’t be named except profound satisfaction

i can hold the world inside

nothing needed in my own life

can’t contain much more today

master’s hand entered my domain..

Midnight Story

I wanted to know how the river would flow
What song it will sing and share some dreams
While the sun was up high in the desert so wide
Shooting breeze through the sky to wrap you in its arms

So I stepped to the shore and heard a roar
That was quiet as night, wanting to be hugged
Without knowing the way, I kept up the pace
And I fell into you feeling very blue

You are here today paving your way
Leaving traces of that which might not be looked at
But I see it through and through and I want it to be not true
While the sun is too bright to miss its impact

I wanted to know how the story would go
And I made up the end that led me into no-man's-land
Standing lone and wide in the middle of a wide light
Nothing left to do being buried in the deepest of blues, 
hearing the story from somewhere cool, 
seeing shadows of truth, 
bowing down to the hues of the cosmic muse.

I'll go off to the side of you, keeping the fire subdued.

Longing for Love

Please forgive if this might cause a disturbance
And I need you to know of my love and devotion
And I need you to see my deepest commotion
That serving you is my unwavering notion

But you're running away, you need motion
And you'd like to breathe with the big ocean
And you want to stretch out with the freedom of god
While I'm willing to wait for you on the sideline

And I know that you need to find yourself
And I fully support your longing to escape
And my love for you can't extinguish itself
Maybe one day you'll return to hold me and breathe me
If somehow you're able to, as you said, get over yourself

Until then, I'll see how to handle this case
With the grace that bestowed itself onto my head
And it gave me the freedom to love without haste
And it cut me open with a skillful hand
And I'm standing without armor, fear, or the need to protect
I want you to know the depth of the trust I have
And the level with which I've embraced you as a boy and a man
And the longing I have to love you everyday

And as much as I wish for you to be next to me
And as much as I want to give myself fully to thee
I cannot and will not til you come as an empty entity
And if we are not meant to be...
I'll still love you the same with all of me
And march on into the world looking for another with your sweet energy
And I'll hold you dear in thought and mind
For you are myself, me, and, somehow, mine...

Silly Us

February 20, 2018


What's this need to be perfection
Who decides the point of "great!"
Who's the judge residing in question
Is there really such thing as "I am not there yet!"

No one feels safe inside his own skin
Wanting approval and needing some thing
Running and spinning around yourself
Not going anywhere except to the grave

How and who you want to be
It's all right here in a moment called "free"
Nothing to hide behind walls of illusion
Nothing to lose except fear and confusion

Look at the sky, at the grandeur of stars
Sit down on grass and feel the wet dust
Please close your eyes and sink into "now"
Life becomes simple and easy somehow

Your Noisy Room

All is fleeting, don't trust your thoughts
Dangerous waters, enter with caution
Keeping self down, take one more step
Don't stop, don't question, simply descend

Nothing is true, look at yourself
Have you seen change, a glimmer of rest?
Carefully watching, questioning eyes
Your eyes are shining despite the chaos

I choose to adore you
I choose to absorb you
You cannot escape
My love or my weight
I don't want to stop
I don't want to leave
I hug all of you
And I fall into deep sleep

And maybe I'll cry or have a good laugh
I only see you behind the beautiful eyes
I am only aware of what's deep inside
I feel and nurture each and every smile

Remaining with you all through day
I know you're going through unspoken hell
What's yours, I can't take but I'll stretch out my hand
I'll pull you with will and a need to help
Because nothing is real
Because nothing makes sense
I don't know what's next
So I quit and I rest
I choose to be here 
With you through the day
I want to be used
And give me away

And...
I'd love for you to stay
And...
Listen to what you say
And...
All else be as it may

Just know I am with you
Every minute of every day
As there's nothing to do right now or today

From a Few Years Ago

When you give yourself fully to something, when you stop calculating what you can get out of someone, naturally, your intelligence, talents, and creativity flourish. You naturally expand, because you're not trying to protect yourself. By removing the need for protection, you remove the wire fence around your being, and naturally, the energy surges, you become alive and full of life. Life flows through you, like water and takes you into the stream of enjoyment and joy.

Private

dreaming and hoping, painting a face
creating images of a beautiful place
imagining feelings of a sweet pace
longing and wishing, awaiting for grace

Easy Somehow

What's this need to be perfection
Who decides the point of "great!"
Who's the judges residing in question
Is there really such thing as "I'm not there yet?"

No one feels safe inside his own skin
Wanting approval and needing some thing
Running and spinning around yourself
Not going anywhere except to the grave

How and who you want to be
It's all right here in a moment called "free"
Nothing to hide behind walls of illusion
Nothing to lose except fear and confusion

Look at the sky, at the grandeur of stars
Sit down on grass and feel the wet dust
Please close your eyes and sink into "now"
Life becomes simple and easy somehow

Angel

"Are you an Angel?"
He asked today
Some may say
That I am
Yet I know best
Wings don't grow fast
And, by no means,
By themselves
But I'd like to be like one
And I'd like to live like one
And I'd like to hug everyone
And to comfort all in my tiny arm
And to leave a scent of sweetness behind
And to need or want nothing from anyone
Just to float on
And fly on by
And to melt into time
Without a drop of chime
Become more of the divine

Yes!

A man with clarity
With love and levity
A man with a touch
To tear it all apart

A softness
A kindness
A steady hand
I'll bow down to you
And clean your plate

I'm ready
I can
I'm willing
I demand
Perfect enough
To accept his gold band

Buy the ticket
Only a plane ride to wait

Who Wrote This?

Parts of me
See in you
Might be a projection
Even so
View is anew

Life is a mess
Not wrapped 
With a bow
It has many faces
It sings with the crows

It has many shades
It laughs and it pains
It can't be explained
To know the depth
Jump into the meditative mess

She will come alive
She'll laugh and she'll cry
She'll hit you and pounce
You'll be taken on a merry go-round

But she'll make you feel high
And you'll never feel dry
And you'll long for her sigh
In her majestic design

The highs 
The lows
The grey shades
The rainbows

The dark shadows
The vast meadows
The lull and the rise
Of a grand force
It'll sweep you up
Carry you out of the storm
Onto the angel's belly
Of unmarked territory
Where you can feel
You can rest and swallow
The elixir of life
With a bit of sorrow

She's waiting
Still
Till you finally open
And notice her beauty
Her charm
Her undeniable power

Give To Me

Stay with me for a little while
Talk to me for a time allowed
Offer to me what you have found
Take care of me without sound
See what else might be discovered

Open your heart to me fully and quickly
Touch my core
Breathe me in completely
Fall into depths of greater existence
Stay with me
Look at me deeply
You'll bathe in love
Surrender into sweetness

Waiting

He said to get a better bait
I guess I'm not that great yet
Time has passed at a fast rate
Still I guess I'm not there yet

I want to know what it would take
Which stone to shapen with a blade
Is it a long bone of the flesh
Is it something I haven't met

Playing with fire or just a match
I am a team of one with room to add
Sharpening skills to be mostly set
With a slit open to embrace a mate

Sometimes

Sometimes you just need to rest
Lie down on grass and melt
Sometimes you just need to sleep
Wrapped up in the grace of one's dear
Sometimes you just need to give
Beyond your current capacity
And sometimes you can just sit still
Eyes closed with your own company
Because the thing that's inside is real
It can throb like a pulse of melody

Dark

If it would only flow
In the land of sweet
Perfected and reflecting
All that's to be seen
The eyes could be closed shut
Still noticing the sea
Fully knowing the course
And where lies destiny

If it would only glow
Without a single light
Available for taking
Not hiding in the dark
Then maybe, oh just maybe
The smile would turn on bright
The distance, it disappears
And then, immeasurably alive

Frustrated

Angry cry
Desperate tears
Not knowing why
Sadness appears
Want to break free
Chains and deadbolts
Hidden is the key
Can't unlock the vault

Where is the magic?
The promised land?
Have banged 'gainst winds,
Walls, hurt delicate hands
Have walked the road
Have pushed through the rain
Can't go much farther
Carrying this unending pain

Sitting and standing
Unwilling to pretend
The sun has no meaning
While each has his own shame
And tears form rivers
Of undissolved past
Hope is deceiving
Where is the magic touch?