She wants another child. Fear is strong. The first and only experience and the aftermath were close to torturous. Frighteningly scared about the process. Must make promises to herself and friends that the new one will, in fact, be born, just so there's more binding, more stimulus for going through with the deed. But you know, what's the alternative? What will my life look like without having a little finger holding mine, without having a little hand grabbing my leg, without having a little body following mine, without having a little person needing my attention, my affection. What will my life look like without being needed?.....
She comtemplates going through the discomfort for a chance to feel full again. Her boy is growing up, reaching independence in all capacities. What to do when his wings grow big and beautiful and begin to take him away? I need him. He's my source of happiness. He is my purpose and my joy....
She wants another child to fulfill the void that is her life. The deep void that overflows with love in the presence of a child brought into existance by her. Or the well remains nearly empty. The internal source needs a spark from outside. An ever-lasting spark. An ever-present spark. The need to be needed and the need to need create a new life. This new life is then to handle the aftermath of the decision....
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